Teens Are Disguising As Mask-Wearing Grandmas to Buy Beer:

In a TikTok trend first reported by the New York Post, it seems that some teenagers have been running an elaborate booze-buying scheme that involves using face makeup and costumes to impersonate senior citizens. One (now private) video shows a young woman in sunglasses, a face mask, and a headscarf — with her dark hair and brows lightly powdered in gray — walking into a wine shop and out again with a few bottles of wine. She then twerks, merrily, on the side of the road with her loot. Another video, which has been viewed over 400,000 times, shows a young woman apply full prosthetic wrinkles and a few baggy sweaters, enter a 7-Eleven, and leave with a bag of hard ciders. In a third, the teen forgoes makeup altogether, making off with a bottle of Smirnoff with just a face mask, headscarf, and pair of thick spectacles — though she did make a commendable effort of hunching over and walking slowly, leaning on a friend who was posing as her granddaughter for support.

Keep fighting the good fight, kids.

The White House Called a News Conference. Trump Turned It Into a Meandering Monologue:

WASHINGTON — In theory, President Trump summoned television cameras to the heat-baked Rose Garden early Tuesday evening to announce new measures against China to punish it for its oppression of Hong Kong. But that did not last long.

What followed instead was an hour of presidential stream of consciousness as Mr. Trump drifted seemingly at random from one topic to another, often in the same run-on sentence. Even for a president who rarely sticks to the script and wanders from thought to thought, it was one of the most rambling performances of his presidency.

He weighed in on China and the coronavirus and the Paris climate change accord and crumbling highways. And then China again and military spending and then China again and then the coronavirus again. And the economy and energy taxes and trade with Europe and illegal immigration and his friendship with Mexico’s president. And the coronavirus again and then immigration again and crime in Chicago and the death penalty and back to climate change and education and historical statues. And more.

“We could go on for days,” he said at one point, and it sounded plausible.

I rarely watch Trump speeches but I made myself sit through this one. It was really, really bad.

I had a dream two nights ago that people were electing to have their legs cut off in order to use those springy blades because they worked better. And they had the ability to switch out the legs for a motorcycle like that Progressive commercial.